i broke down in skl...
was super depressed... cried my eyes out...

i wrote this on a piece of paper in chem lesson:

sleepy.. tired..pissed..depressed..angry..hurt..dissapointed..
the worst combination of feelings to have at any time..
I'm just dreaming of having/being with him. its just an illusion.
crap.. stomachache..
I must cut my hair (alrdy did btw..)
I don't think my life is worth living anymore.. but how to end it?
I feel so alone nowadays.. don't get me wrong.. i DO have frens.
but some cant be trusted anymore.. some drifts away.. others don't deserve my respect..
except farhana liyana and izzati.
thanks for being there for me today... it meant alot..
dian n diyanah aske dme whether i was alright.. but didnt ask wat was the matter...
i feel that they still don't know me yet..
i only started being very close to izzati this yr and yet she now me so well..
what went wrong? I'd say people change.. there are instances where you rfriend becomes your enemy.. i think this is it..
i can't sleep at nights.. hav to cry myself to slp..
wats wrong wif me? shud i see a doc?
im currently angry hurt n dissapointed at my dad.
he always promises me something and when i take him up for it.. he breaks his promises.. i hate it.. call it teen angst if you wan...
but THIS is my life...
my family thinks (and doesnt hesitate to say it) that im not serious bout my o lvls.. when i stdy at home.. my bros laugh at my attempts to do so..
when i tel my parents im going out to stdy wif a fren.. they're skeptical..
when i asked to stay behind from attending wedding ceremonies to stdy.. they think i party at home while they're out..
how am i supposed to be confident n be the best i can be when they dun trust me wif the chance to do so?
there have been many times i think im better off dead..
this is DEFINITELY one of 'em

YEAH RIGHT
UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR

currently.. i feel like im jst floating in a void.. alone and empty..
to listen to wat my heart say.. i have to hav a live and beating one first... but i believe mine has stopped beating (figuratively)

my teacher once said that depression is when u feel gratitude and no regrets if your life is taken away at any moment...

i believe this is it....