Friday, May 25, 2007, 8:58 PM
Today's Agenda
i broke down in skl...
was super depressed... cried my eyes out...
i wrote this on a piece of paper in chem lesson:
sleepy.. tired..pissed..depressed..angry..hurt..dissapointed..
the worst combination of feelings to have at any time..
I'm just dreaming of having/being with him. its just an illusion.
crap.. stomachache..
I must cut my hair (alrdy did btw..)
I don't think my life is worth living anymore.. but how to end it?
I feel so alone nowadays.. don't get me wrong.. i DO have frens.
but some cant be trusted anymore.. some drifts away.. others don't deserve my respect..
except farhana liyana and izzati.
thanks for being there for me today... it meant alot..
dian n diyanah aske dme whether i was alright.. but didnt ask wat was the matter...
i feel that they still don't know me yet..
i only started being very close to izzati this yr and yet she now me so well..
what went wrong? I'd say people change.. there are instances where you rfriend becomes your enemy.. i think this is it..
i can't sleep at nights.. hav to cry myself to slp..
wats wrong wif me? shud i see a doc?
im currently angry hurt n dissapointed at my dad.
he always promises me something and when i take him up for it.. he breaks his promises.. i hate it.. call it teen angst if you wan...
but THIS is my life...
my family thinks (and doesnt hesitate to say it) that im not serious bout my o lvls.. when i stdy at home.. my bros laugh at my attempts to do so..
when i tel my parents im going out to stdy wif a fren.. they're skeptical..
when i asked to stay behind from attending wedding ceremonies to stdy.. they think i party at home while they're out..
how am i supposed to be confident n be the best i can be when they dun trust me wif the chance to do so?
there have been many times i think im better off dead..
this is DEFINITELY one of 'em
YEAH RIGHT
UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR
currently.. i feel like im jst floating in a void.. alone and empty..
to listen to wat my heart say.. i have to hav a live and beating one first... but i believe mine has stopped beating (figuratively)
my teacher once said that depression is when u feel gratitude and no regrets if your life is taken away at any moment...
i believe this is it....
Wednesday, May 23, 2007, 7:46 PM
Funny day!!!
It was a supremely FUNNY DAY today!!!
hahahaha... first...
abt the extra chem lesson at 1pm..
Chem lesson :
Mdm azlin walked in and me n izza groaned as loudly as possible... siva was lauhing like mad coz the whole class heard it... then everyone else groaned... hahaha
then azlin say... those who wan go toilet or drink water... go now... she giv us 5 mins...
me n izza went to canteen to buy snacks.. we thot we the only ones go down... turns out... THE WHOLE CLASS WENT THERE!! most of them bought snacks uh... BUT
affiq n nasri they all ate lunch as i nthe whole package lunch uh! rice wif chicken n drinks all tt...
me n izza laugh like siao until we cry siah.... i sat down on the floor laughing coz i was laughing so hard i cudnt stand... hahahahaha
then we went wlds checkpoint.. nth funny...
next.. we went to Sun Plaza
Sun Plaza:
actually nth relly funny happened there... BUT when we took the 962 bus back to wlds... this chinese sembawang sec kid bukak lagu techno... then me n izza bingit coz its super2 noisy... SO....
i opened lagu2 hardcore!!! hahahahaha.... they gt fed-up and turned it off and got off the bus... eventually this indian guy gt sick of it... he also turned on techno songs...then we reached causeway point!
Causeway Point:
hahaha... we went to toilet first... izza nearly ran into this person there...
then we went up the escalator to 2nd floor... was going up and this grp of ITE guys were going down... i was kinda banging my head coz was listening to this relly gud song on my phone... then one of them said to me.. "dgr lagu best eh? kiter pun tgh dgr lagu best!" then he smiled widely at me... hahahaa kekek siak...
THEN... we went past the watch n accesories store.. the whatever or sumthing like tt... izza saw this earring she liked.. but she didnt wan buy it. $7.90 siah... but she was FORCED to buy it.. wanna noe y? sori cant tell ya!!! hahahaha
umm... i think tts abt it... its pretty long alredy rite...
buais
Tuesday, May 22, 2007, 7:53 PM
3 hrs of MT for a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg... 3 hrs of MT every day till friday... and MT o lvls in 6 days!!
argh!!!!! hahahahah
to make matters worse we just do and do exam papers from other schools for the whole 3 hrs.. gawd... boring banget..
hahaha
THEN!!! she dun even let us sit with our own friends.. i was sitting with suaidah and dian and hartini just HAD to move us around... FYI we were mixed wif the sec 5's...
ugh... i was praying that she dun put hidhir next to me...
but guess who she puts on my left and right?
left : farhan right : tan
hahahah... the row was like this...
from right to left...
Tan , Me , Farhan , Diyanah , Shafudin , Liyana , Mukhsin
hahaha... then i smelt fart smells... when we had a 10 min break after 1.5hrs... liyana told me mukhsin farted!!! hahahahahaha
freaking funny siah..
then today... had mini meeting b4 classes start.. hafiz dgn relaknyer tgh buat hw melayu siak...
then meeting ended he still havent finish... then i said i hav to go upstairs n get my bag... then he follow me to my class, sat down and continue doing! until 8 siah... we like sort of like half hr late... he gila man...
then we enter class late.. everyone started doing essays alredy! hahahaha... she gav us extra 10 mins to do... bu ti rushed anyway... finished early... today diyanah n farhan switched places hahahaha
kecoh siak....
i expected class to be very distracting n noisy.. but it was actually quite fun... hhahah
not that we ha much of a chance to tok to each other... i ate chocs in clss today... shared em of course... tan was super annoying .. keep asking me fo rmore chocs... i just ignore dhim n told him to do his essay quikly... hahahhaha
kay lah... i wan eat my dinner... plus i havent do hw...
gtg.. buais!!! till next time
Sunday, May 20, 2007, 8:25 PM
Hot day
gawd.. went to johore at 8 am in the morning!!!!
woke up at 6... then reach johore go breakfast... i ate prata wif egg n onions.. wooo... yumyum...
then went kenduri at Kulai... soooooooooooooooooooooooo far.... i slept in the car.. then reach..
then sat ard.. play hp.. play multiplayer game wif my cousin... lost twice...
btw tt game sucks ok! i just lost coz i never played it b4!! (yeah right)
anyways... it was super DUPER hot there!!
stayed only for a while.. ate then went off...
thought we going home or to SMART or some supermarket... i wanted to shop...
then... we went to Ayer Hitam.... wah lan... even further siah...
thx to the heat... i had a major headache...
slept in the car.. suddenly i woke up we reach alredy..
hahaha that place not much shopping lah... but gt lots of food... they majorly sell titbits and plushies...
i saw a lot of nic eplushies.. but thx to my headache.. i had no mood...
THEN... finally... FINALLY... we went home!!!!
a bit dissapointed that i didnt get to shop.. but hey!
there's next week!!
hhahahah going into johore every weekend now.. got weddings to attend and food to eat!!!
muahahaha... shall sign off now... still sleepy(more like fatigue tho)... havent drank any coffee the whole day...
SUPER DISSAPOINTED THAT MANCHESTER UNITED LOST
like wat the f lah... that bloody ref... GIGGS SCORED DAMMIT!!!
wah lan... tho i applaud Drogba for tt wonderful score...
nice tho...
haiz..
well i guess its fair man utd won the EPL and chelsea won the FA cup...
BUT
next yr.... MAN UTD WILL/MUST WIN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!!!
muahahaha!!!...
signing of.. buais!
Saturday, May 19, 2007, 9:02 PM
Boring day...
gawd.. today was super ultra boring!!!
didn't do anything... then suddenly izzati msged me.. then she say she eating chocolate eclairs... oooh how i hate u izza for telling me tt.. i walked in the rain to buy doughnuts to satisfy the cravings izza awoke...
haiya... hahaha.. i discovered sumthing new tho...
this doughnut like pastry without a hole in the middle... its had sprinkles of choc chip on top... but when u bit the middle... theres cookies n cream filling!!! yum!!! now i wan more of those...
weehoo...
tmr early in the morning going to kulai, johore... hahahaha
sleepy siah.. confirm... tonight is the FA CUP FINAL!!!
man utd vs chelsea!!
muahahaha... the boys in blue... SHALL LOSE TO US AGAIN!!! WE WILL HAV TOTAL SUPREMACY!!! muahahaha...
i was offered a DSA to Innova JC!!! well... the interview is next wed.... mt o lvls in 9 DAYS!!! gawd... wan to mug for it dunno how to... hahaha
anyway...
bcoz of such great news.. my parents allow me to go for SC CAMP!! weehoo!! tts the best news i've heard in a yr!!
finally i get to hav some real fun...
but then.. me chiwei n zhijun bringing our books along too... studying at night while evryone else sleeps... hahaha
galvin begging me not to bring storybooks or novels... he hates it when i read coz i will totally ignore him...
hahahaha
well i guess tts it for today?
shall update tmr then.. buais!!!
Thursday, May 17, 2007, 6:25 PM
Sports Day
yo mann...
hahha... today was AISS Sports Day 2007!!!
hahaha... and no.. i didnt run.. lazy... plus injured my ankle...
hahaha anyways... janelle brought hairsprays...
not the normal kind... the colour kind..
VERY colourful..
she spray my hair... my hair turned BRONZE!! hahaha nice...
then.. mr row make announcement saying tt only students in their class t-shirts.. hahaha and that those in skl uniform or skl t-shirt.. cant spray their hair.. hahaha!!! TOO LATE!! mine was alredy sprayed.. hahahaha
fun siak... gawd..
anyways.. i hav a "date" next week... still dunno wether to go anot...
anyways..
izzati told me tt me n galvin starting to look more n more like a couple..
oh shit lah... we're very close i admit that.. but he's like my BROTHER for gwd's sake...
hahahahaha mepek siak semua...
anyways... we ate lunch at New York Pizza after Sports day at yishun stadium..
umm.. i guess thats it for today??? hahahaha
btw.. i TOTALLY ignored him the whole day... hotcakes i mean.. hahaha... diyanah sengaja tok to him also i ignore.. then he looked at me n i walked away..
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
EAT UR HEART OUT ARSEHOLE!!!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007, 7:19 PM
Nightmare over
hahaha... gawd.. finally..
it's over!!!
was sooo stressed n freake dout the whole time i was backstage...
thought something was going to go wrong BIG time...
but only small2 minor things happened that were easily fixed...
twisted my ankle running ard plus carrying down the drum set to the hall from the 3rd floor...
and guess wat?.. tml SPORTS DAY... and i TWISTED MY ANKLE... greeaattt....
haiz.. going new york pizza tmr after sports day!!! woohoo...
yay-ness!!!
some say wan watch movie lah... but i lazy...
i rather go new york pizza man..
i miss my pizza!!! hahahaha
anywayz.. i gt a new "guy"...
nono.. not guy as in bf...
but guy as in like him lah..
he from bedok uh... so far rite?? he in gombak united fc... he vs-ing balestier khalsa next saturday...
muahahaha!!!! my new love interest vs my ex... hmms... interesting...
but like malu wan go seh... paiseh siak... wat do i wear to sumthing like tt?
t-shirt n jeans? t-shirt n skirt? or dress up a bit? gawd... dilemma siak..
hahahhahha... anyways... HOTCAKES!!! i officially hate you for avoiding me like the plague... i dun like u... in fact... im hating you coz of tt!.. stop giving me those "looks". YES! i noticed! juz bcoz im there.. and ur there... DOES NOT MEAN I WAN SEE YOU!!!
prasan siak...
Monday, May 14, 2007, 7:54 PM
TALENTIME PROBS!!
gawd... problem here problem there...
yeah.. sori for not updating recently.. VERY busy..
anyway..
now busy wif talentime..
its in 2 days!!
BFC canceled their opening act couple of hrs ago...
n now cant find backup performers
gawd...
galvin n hanisah n sindhu scold me updside down alredy..
AHHHH!!!
somone juz shoot me alredy...
haiz.. anyway.. gtg now...
btw.. umm.. hotcakes? i dun like u anymore... u juz someone else in my life... ur a fren to me if u wish it... i hope u noe hu u r..
thanks.. n pls dun misundertand the looks...
i looked at u juz now when u playing soccer coz u tripped over the ball.. sorta... n it was funny... plus i was actually looking at Saini's ROUND butt... hahaha... mcm bulan!!! hahaha
gawd im so mean..
k gotta go solve the world's problems now!! bye!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 6:54 PM
Chemistry Class
ahhaaha!!!! today chemistry class funny siah... mdm azlin shifted our seats again... she die2 wan put me wif syeh yin.. i begged her siah... 3 times u noe!.. even meng hwee plead wif her to let me stay between meng hwee n izza... finally... she put me at the back wif izza and syaf... then juz now syaf sit wif rashilah.. then lest me n izza onli.. hancur... kecoh siak... we laugh until cry siah... all thanks to me.. we were learning bout organic chemisty... then gt sumthing called butane butene butanoic acid and such stuff... funny siah.. i played wif the words then izza laugh n laugh... then i started laughing coz she did it back to me.. then we laugh like mad.. ahahaha.. then we yak and we yak... (mrs foo's words) hahaha... funny siah... mdm azlin didnt even noe we were talking n laughing the whole lesson... till i laughed particularly loudly at one part... hahahahahha then she was like "shah and izzati..." then we both said "sorry cher..." then she sighed... coz she noes we wont stop anyway... hahahaha like wat the heck siah... anyways... i shall go now.. shal update again later tonite OR tmr...
bubye!!!
Tuesday, May 8, 2007, 9:00 PM
ok tis short one
OUCH!! he tok to alot of people bout me.. saying he dun like me at all.. fine uh.. u said tt to me... u dun hav to spread rumours bout me... so mean siah.. wateva u spread ard will eventually reach me too u noe... i DO hav frens practically everywhere...
I HATE YOU you MEANIE!!!!
7:46 PM
NEW PHONE!!!!!!!
hey ya'll!!
I BOUGHT A NEW PHONE!!!
muahahahaha... wanted w810i... but the salesperson say might as well add a few more bucks n get k618i... hehehe... woohoo!! my bro damn jealous.. he stupid mah.. his is k800i and he still wan be jealous of my phone... siao.. i'd switch phones ANY time... hahahah
hes crazy ya?
anyways... hmm.. updates updates... lemme think... i dun think i like hotcakes anymore... tho im stil not sure...
then... umm... seriously... cant think of much..
oh ya! ya see.. last week we didnt hav a weekly assemly so we had a kind of forum wif the principal instead.. he asked wether we hav enough classes or shud he add sumore? we ALL... and i mean the WHOLE SEC 4/5 said we all wanted night classes... hahahaha n the principal say we weird.. he crazy... but he funny...
then... uh.. first 2 weeks of june hols.. we hav classes... so tt leaves 2 weeks of actual holidays for us... my parents going to thailand without me... staying here in singapore wif my brother..
then... i wan to make BBQ/fishing party... hahaha aint' t tgonna be fun? but i scared people dun wan turn up ah... haiz.. dunno lah... see first... tt plan is under consideration!
hahaha..
okay i SERIOUSLY dunno wat else to say...
so..
BYE!
Friday, May 4, 2007, 6:25 PM
Long Day
man... wat a long day its been... had classes until 11.40... last period was chemistry... mdm azlin was blabbing abt electrolysis... then there was this hornet flying ard in class! izzati was grabbing my hand shouting "protect me shah! protect me!".... hahahaha me n meng hwee laugh like mad... izzati joine din the laughter when the hornet flew too close to affiq n he grabbed his bag, held it up like a shield.. and SCREAMED!!!! the whole class was laughing siah.... the hornet flew near him 3 times... n he did the same thing again n again.... it was super funny man.... shirin, hu was doing sumthing else n didnt noe wat the hell was going on.... she screamed her lungs out when the hornet landed on the arm... she jumped n threw the papers she was holding... she was laughing hysterically too! hahahaha over reaction siah... then mr chin (mr principal) gave a talk at 11.40 to 12... it was more like a forum ya noe... he asked whether we had any suggestions and whether all the extra classes we hav are helping... or whether our extended curriculum time is helping... we said we needed night classes too... he asked for a vote... nearly everyone raised their hands! i relly think its needed... i mean not NORMAL lessons... we noe teachers hav families too... juz more like a huge study group... sumthing like tt... ain't tt fun??? hahahah
i gt an update on HOTCAKES....
a fren of mine told me to forget abt him coz i dun noe wat he's been doing behind my back...
hmmm.... i dunno... i'll juz be patient and maybe time will unravel the answers for me... haiz... so confused... now izzati and me like the same guy too... nono... not HOTCAKES!!! ANOTHER guy.... hurhurhur... anyways...
i wanted to buy a new phone today... but tt cute phone was too small... its cute n all... but syaf says it doesnt look normal... it looks more like an mp4... until i slide it open tho... i wan the W810I....izza's phone... its sooo cool.... hope my D-A-D-D-Y lets me buy it.. n help me pay for it of course... :D
till here then.. adios amigos!!!!
Thursday, May 3, 2007, 10:20 PM
Bitchyness
haiz... there was a huge showdown outside my class... though i didn't hear it... heard it from my best fren... hu was incidentally caught in the middle of the showdown..
jiaying lah... she scolded jiamin.. screamed at her.. jiamin had a relly bad night last night.. i noe coz i sit next to her in the morning assembly.. n her eyes were a telltale puffy from crying herself to sleep.. anyways.. michelle shouted at jiaying saying "your not perfect ok. stop being such a bitch" whoa... i applaud michelle... i relly dunlike jiaying... but as long as she doesnt bug me.. im fine.. i try to stay away from her... i dun like her attitude.. anyways... i hope jiamin is relly alright... shes a sweet girl... we used to bein the same class in sec 1 n 2... me agnes n some of the other guys.. we all used to go to her house in upper seletar.. and play mahjong... n yes i do noe how to play... or did... anyway... it was real fun... i win occasionally.. but we dun gamble.. we juz play for fun... no money involved... they understand tt im a muslim and all... they're cool in tt sense..
anyways... had a relly gd laugh early in the morning... tho its not gd tt manchester united lost last night to ac milan... amir bet wif harrith n gang tt if man utd lost, he will parade ard the junior blok in spongebob squarepants boxers!!! hahahah.... he was SOOO confident they wud win.. then again... so was i... :)) anyways... he said back to harrith and gang in self-defense... "im a muslim! i dun gamble or bet!!" yeah rite... wat a liar siah... nvm.. we'll make him pay sooner or later... muahahaha!!! anyway... i'll sign off... kinda tired.. i noe its early.. but im tired... for some reason... thank god tmr friday... i finally get a break...
hahaha...
adios amigos!!!
till next time!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007, 8:09 PM
peace interrupted
haiya... just wanted to start writing in another post... bingit siak... my parents n 2nd brother juz gt home from hospital... my uncle gt cancer.. juz gt worst... i didnt go wif them coz i was studying wif janah... kat bawah blok... then gt this auntie.. drag her son.. STEPPING jerh nak duduk kat meja kiter... relak siak... mati2 nak selit kat tempat kiter.. padahal tu table dah penuh ngan buku2 kiter siak.. buto lah... hahaha then kitorang peh nyer kurang ajar... aku bukak lagu punk rock sekuat2 nyer... abeh janah bukak lagu raggae.. baik uh... hahahah tu auntie asik shoot kiter these looks... muahahahaha padan muka hang! dun mess wif the BBB's.... especially me n janah... well theres still Azlan, Pak Teh, Pak Tam, Taufiq, Bull and many2 more.. not to mention Bean... hahaha
anyways... my abg wan use the com.. bising siak dier.. baru balik dah start buat darah org go upstairs siak...bingit... ok... smalam gt MT paper 1&2.. not bad uh... i finished paper 2 in half an hr... had 1 hr to sleep... anywayz... tmr ENG paper... shudnt be too bad... im only scared of paper 1... maner tau kene writer's block... TOUCH WOOD!!! ohmigod.. i go read some books to get some ideas... ahhaha
BUAIZ!!!!
till next time...
btw.. my 1st bro pi tgk spiderman 3... buto lah dier... book ticket tak blg... sialan betul...